a very not interesting story

2005-01-28T06:07:00.000-08:00

I am not really sure that it will be an interesting story for you, but interestingly I found that every settle-educated young women, not all, but almost, has faced the same problem.

I am a mother of two daughter. Out of my prediction, my husband carrier has developed well. Me, no time to work outside, and if I go to work, I will have least money than my husband income, of course! The problem is if I stand strong to go to work, so there will be a fight between me and my husband. He always said to me, that I should not go to work. He will give me enough money for doing anything. He said to me I shoul do : go to shopping, look for the children, go to salon, cook, and maintain my weight and health. Sure I did all he want. Beside that, I still finished my master degree. But... I am not happy. I mean, I want to work... although the salary will be far away from my husband! I wish I can work and also have time to look after my family. Day by day I did not work outside. And now my children get bigger and I feel very boring staying at home without doing something useful. I have servant and fortunately, they are pretty clever and they can handle the kitchen and all the household.

Eight years ago, my husband had an affair with another women, when I was pregnant my second daughter. I didn't realized that affair until my child was deliver. About 3 weeks after she born, a women on the telephone said that she was pregnant my husband child. I was very upset and really-really didn't belived it. I asked my husband and he didn't say yes about that. My memory turn back, remember that it maybe right. Because when I wan pregnant, he never sleep at home, he said he had to stay in another city because of the work. Shortly, my husband confess and my feeling was very bad at that day. I just cry and cry. But no body can be my friend to tell. Because I didn't want my children if they grow up.... someday will know that their father ever had an affair.

I still keep that bad time. In my life it was very horrible one. Because I came from a good family, never talk or think like have an affair, etc. The terrible ones is because that affair, my husband had a positif of genital herpes. I forgive him and we have, again (since 1 year) sexual intercourse. And..... at that time... after the birth of my second daughter, after that unexpected phone call, I realized that I also had a positif genital herpes. The first time I realized that, I am very shocked. Because my father is a doctor, and when I was little I usually heard my parents talk or told us (me and my brothers) that kind of disease is very bad one. How come I.... I has that disease.

Now I am on my treatment of that illness. Hard one, because I feel I am not diserve to have it. Yes, I can forgive and try to forget his mistake, but try to live with the disease is the hard one. If it come... I feel very weak and hopeless. I can't do something that need long time work, I feel tired fast. If I try to work hard, so it will start to come.

My life, if the outsider look and see... is like a paradise. But here I am... I pray and give thanks to God for what He has given to my family. But for my self... maybe I have to pray more faith, ask Him His strenght to face my reality. Keep the secret at least for my children future, I don't want they not respect their father.

Yes I also realize there are another people that more suffer than me. But I have my own feeling. At the moment, no one will not give me sympathy if he think that outside my life there are a lot of people more suffer than me. Every time I want to tell my story, I feel that it is ok, it is usual, why I should tell...? But day by day... the peak is this day... my doctor said that I have had depresion.

I will survive. I will. For the seek of my lovely daughter. Do you have any advise?? Thank you very much.